When I was little all I did was draw and sing.
All day long. I would sing every song possible and a lot of the time I'd just make up songs on the fly. This sounds inventive but for a 5 year old to be making up songs about forgotten love while on a swing set is slightly creepy. Think 'The Shining'.
One holiday my older cousins dragged me on stage to enter a talent competition and some how, I won. That was the moment I was hooked. I was allowed to stand on stage and sing. It was the best feeling I had ever had. Even at 5 I can remember thinking 'this is it!' (I was a very dramatic 5 year old)
I use to tell my mum that I would be a animator for half the week and a singer in the nights. (I also wanted to be a lolly pop lady for a while so i wasn't as insightful as you think)
During a competitions I was on stage, singing 'dont you make my brown eyes blue' and I forgot the words. well I thought I forgot the words. I've since watched it and realised that to anyone else I had sung the song perfectly fine but my tiny crazy mind was in charge and I decided I had completely ruined it. I ran off the stage crying and didn't sing again for about 18 years. (Like I said, A very dramatic 5 year old)
Despite all this I have some of my fondest memories from this time. The major reason for these memories is because I was lucky enough to have a mum that only wanted me to have fun and checked regularly that we still were having a good time.
Thinking back on it all I understand that I was probably only winning on the grounds of peoples expectations. A 5 year old in a pink dress and ringlets is expected to sing ' Mary had a little lamb' whereas my fantastic mother taught me Patsy Cline and Elvis Presley songs. So maybe shes to blame for my love of all things vintage.
Still its a nice memory. This was all behind me until I started working at a bar , which of course had an obligatory karaoke night. (damn!) I sung and loved every hyperventilating, tequila induced moment, even if I was singing 'opphs I did it again' by Brittney Spears (not my choice!). I couldn't believe I'd done it because It had become an actual fear. My throat would swell up and the sound would stop before it hit the air but once the curse was broken I had the love for singing back and firmly stuck but none of the talent left.
Since then I've started practising. very slowly. In my house with Mr B sat across the room .A very patient man. In the beginning it would take me about an hour of apologising and procrastinating just to get a note out. I've got louder and tried harder and Its a feeling in my chest that I just need to sing.
So I decided to bite the bullet and even if I fail I'm going to try.
I don't want fame, I don't want fortune. I'll sing for free but the mission is to one day sing in a smokey burlesque bar , with a piano and a band.
Just once would be good but fingers crossed the plan of action will happen and I will find someway to do it more and more. So this is a warning that I'm going to write about what I'm learning and convince myself through the power of blog to sing in public properly.
So singer of the week has to be, Miss Patsy Cline