|It's about the little things|
So today I made a very important and big step. I deleted my ‘future’ folder on Pinterest. I love Pinterest with a passion but I think it may have been rotting my brain. When I started on pinterest I quickly started to see a trend. This trend is the future brides, now this isn’t a problem and its nice to play pretend but I think it also gets people staring into their futures instead of enjoying the moment.
I never made one and resisted the urge to look at pretty images of dresses but then secret folders were invented so I thought, whats the harm?
This folder started out almost ironic, just a dress here and some flowers there but it slowly became way too important for me to imagine my future.
I started to upset myself for no reason, I started putting lots of stress onto situations that don’t matter and worst of all I started to already be disappointed with an imaginary ideal I knew I couldn't achieve.
A few years ago, maybe as little as two, if you’d asked me if I’d ever get married I’d have scoffed at you and told you how stupid marriage was. I didn’t have much of a marriage role model growing up and I didn’t know too many happy couples around me so I didn’t see the point. I worried about what that paper and ring does to people. I never wanted to be some ones problem and I thought that marriage was a silly tradition. Then one thing happened:
1. I changed my mind
Now this doesn’t sound like a well rounded argument I agree with you but suddenly one day I was with someone who I realised I wanted to be a ‘team’ with. I wanted to be part of something more than just I and most importantly I realised that marriage is more about waking up every day and still deciding that you are committed to this. Yes you can do this without marriage but I finally started to understand.
I read a book called ‘Commitment’ but Elizabeth Gilbert which tells you the history of marriage as well as the different cultural reasons to do it. Its made me realise that marriage isn’t a religious thing (which is a huge discovery) and also it’s not something that’s trying to trap you. It’s a choice.
So although all of this sounds crazy and like a pointless post I had a horrible realisation today that all of these Disney school ideas had suddenly become an issue to me. Not something I understood but something I was worried I wouldn’t achieve (talk about a 180)
So today I deleted the secret folder and I said to myself, enjoy now. Stop wishing you were someone in other people pretty photos and look at all of the fantastic ones you have now.
I think woman can sometimes be indignant. They can sometimes (and please remember I’m not talking about all woman) think that its their right to have a big and beautiful wedding but I think the real fear is that the person you are with doesn’t love you.
A few months ago my friend got engaged and when I met up with her to celebrate she was a different person. I’d never seen a person so happy or content. It was if she was transformed and I think that’s what the real problem is. We want to be loved and we want to feel that the person we love picked us. I think I weigh too much pressure on that moment when in fact people choose us every day. They choose to wake up with us every morning and they choose to laugh and be around us.
So ladies, if you are dwelling on a day instead of today….just delete that folder and enjoy the moment.